Cling to the Light
by Polarissb
Summary: Zahna's known family. She's known motherhood. She's known love. She's known happiness. One by one, humans took them all away from her. Why? It's as awful as it is simple. Eevee are rare. When the light fades, what's left in a young mother's heart? A story from the Tyler's Search universe (discontinued; I didn't plot it out beforehand and it shows).
1. Chapter 1

_Sometimes I think back..._

 _Back to a time before rings, before night, before I knew humans._

 _Before I knew pain._

 _That pain is an old companion. I've feared it. Denied it. Bowed my head against it. Pushed it away. Stared it in the eyes._

 _Even embraced it._

 _I'm still not sure whether I regret those times._

 _The one thing I've never been able to do with my pain, though, is let go of it. I can only imagine wistfully that things had turned out different...but this is reality. My reality._

 _It began the night my childhood ended. I guess I should explain. I was an eevee, living in a wild place humans rarely go. I was the eldest of three kits, and the only daughter of a leafeon and a jolteon. As eevee, it wasn't safe for us to be outside on our own since predators like scyther, haunter, and pupitar are common there, but I was getting old enough to evolve. I was tired of hiding, of being scared and small. And so I crept out, determined to do it on my own, only to find myself at the mercy of a hungry haunter. My evolution was the only reason I survived the night, and when I made it home, I had to face that reality._

* * *

"I'm sorry." I sat in front of my mother and father, shoulders hunched and looking up. The posture felt different now that I sat as tall as they did.

I was sorry, too. I'd calmed down by now. Running off on my own had been a mistake, and it had almost gotten me killed. I knew that.

"Why did you do it?" Mother asked.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Back in the den where I'd been born, I didn't feel like anything more than a child. "I…" I sighed and looked down, letting my ears fall. "I wanted to hunt. With you. I'm old enough," I added. "Really. It's just that…I didn't know if you were ever going to…you know. Take me."

Father looked at me, and I tried to meet his eyes. "You wanted to be a—"

"—a glaceon," I finished, looking away again. "I know." That path was forever lost to me now. My fault, I repeated to myself again. I dropped my gaze to my black paws. "I'm sorry."

A sigh got my attention. Mother and Father shared a look before turning back to me. "Well," Father said slowly, "the important thing is…you're all right."

"Can I…start coming with you?" I asked, barely daring the question.

Another look. "Not today." I accepted that with a nod. I was tired anyway. I hadn't slept all night, and the burst of energy from my evolution could only keep me going for so long. Just thinking about it sent me into a yawn.

"Anyway…" Mother sighed and shook her head. "We need to be going."

I watched through the hanging moss that covered the mouth of our den until they disappeared into the morning. We were pretty safe in here—the moss was Father's idea, a way to keep our den hidden. Once they were gone, I finally lay down, forcing myself to relax. Roca and Ash were both watching me. My brothers hadn't said anything since I'd come home. I was the one who got in arguments; my brothers were quieter, and, well, better behaved than that. I watched them out of one eye. I half expected them to start asking me questions, but they both stayed silent. What do you say to your sister when she runs away and then comes back an umbreon? Finally I closed my eyes, trying to put it all out of my head and rest.

A few minutes later, Ash spoke up. "Zahna?" I twitched an ear to show I was listening, even though I just wanted to sleep. "Your rings match your breathing."

I twitched my ear again without opening my eyes, then realized that might be rude, so I shifted enough to nod. "Good night."

* * *

For the last few days, I'd finally been allowed to roam around on my own, though I was supposed to stay near the den. No hunting for me yet, but I was happy to take the time to adjust to being an umbreon. It was a big change. Not only did I stand taller, but I weighed several times more now. Apart from being black my fur hadn't changed much, except there was no mane around my neck or much fluff on my tail. It felt liberating in some ways, though I definitely missed it when I was trying to get comfortable at night.

Speaking of night, it felt different now. Some of me definitely wanted to be nocturnal. I could only get to sleep if I stayed out of the moonlight–it kept me up even more than daylight did. Roca had complained a few times about my glow keeping _him_ awake, but he seemed to be getting used to it now. It's not like there was anything I could do, at least not that I knew.

Apart from that, I was trying to figure out what umbreon powers were for. Glaceon had been pretty obvious to me—I would have been able to freeze things, make ice, withstand cold, and track things through snow. Umbreon…well, apart from the moon thing I didn't know if there was anything else I could do. I wouldn't even be much good for hunting at night if I couldn't get my rings to stop glowing all the time.

One thing it _did_ seem like I'd be able to do now was be quiet. I could will my heart to beat slower and calm myself down when I needed to. That was new for me; I'd never been any good at staying out of arguments. And it would help with hunting…at least, if I could figure out how to make my rings stop glowing too.

Today, though, I finally got to go out with Mother and Father to hunt. I was outside already, impatient even though I knew they'd be here too in a few seconds. I pricked up my ears as Mother's yellow head emerged from the curtain of moss. She nodded to me as she came out and stepped aside, letting Father come through.

"All right. Zahna, you follow us and just watch for now. Stay downwind, be quiet." I nodded, willing myself to calm down and let the emotions slide off me. It wouldn't do to make noise—I'd probably do this on every hunt. We moved out, my parents in front and me in the back. We weren't near hunting grounds, but I tried to practice silent movement anyway, keeping my focus outward but testing each step before putting my weight on the paw. It slowed me down, and Mother looked back and tossed her head, so I gave up and accelerated to a trot. After traveling for a few minutes, we passed a rock and my parents slowed down, stepping more lightly. I tried to match them, but it was hard to control my breathing this time—physical exertion wasn't like controlling my emotions, I needed air. Mother and Father waited until I got it under control, then Father nodded and moved forward again, keeping to cover. Mother glanced at me again and flicked her ears, shooing me back. I understood; I was supposed to keep out of the way and watch. I retreated back to where the earth mounded up next to the rock and cautiously peered up and tried to make sense of the scents in the air.

Out ahead of us was a numel herd grazing on wild grass. There was a definite scent of smoke in the air; every so often one of them would send up a cloud of it through the hole in their backs. Numel were our size, though a fair bit heavier. The large squat pokémon were supposed to be pretty dull from what I'd heard. I didn't know much else about them, but I was pretty sure from the smoke that they could use fire too. _There's so many of them. How do we even hunt something like this?_

Mother and Father started around the edge, taking the long way. We spent most of the time out of sight, which made me a little worried we'd come around a rock and run into one. We didn't, though. _I guess they stick to the grass._ That made sense. They were eating.

We wove around the edge of the herd for longer than I'd expected; Father would creep up a hill to see, wait a moment, then come back down and shake his head. We weren't really in a hurry either; Mother and Father were keeping quiet and I did my best to too.

After a while of creeping around, I started to wonder if we were going to hunt anything. What was Father looking for? I opened my mouth to ask, but Mother caught my eye and shook her head.

After creeping another quarter circle through the rocks and stunted bushes that fringed the area, Father finally came back with a nod. He'd found something this time. They crept out; I followed hesitantly, but Mother shooed me back with a meaningful look and another flick of her ears. I settled for poking my head only far enough up to see what was happening.

There it was—an isolated numel. From my slightly higher view I could see Mother and Father moving in. Father circled around behind it, vanishing into the grass, which surprised me—he'd moved upwind. Mother took up a position directly ahead of the numel, sinking into the grass downwind. Father stole closer and closer behind it. It still hadn't noticed him. Numel weren't _that_ dull, were they? There was a moment of stillness, then my ears caught a whirring noise and the numel cried out, spraying embers from a hole on its back and lurching into a run. Father leaped back into view, away from the falling embers; Mother didn't move. The numel charged closer to her; then suddenly it noticed and brayed again. Before it could make another move Mother had her teeth in its thick throat. The numel instantly went rigid, a few embers spilling from its back but nothing more. Mother relaxed for two heartbeats, then there was an electric _snap_ and the numel collapsed onto its side, cutting off mid-bellow. A thick plume of smoke started leaking from its back. Father and Mother moved forward, staring warningly at the other numel nearby. For a moment nothing happened, then an answering bellow came and a massive camerupt came charging out of the herd trailing smoke, followed by a few numel.

"Zahna, with us!" Father snapped, raising bladed edges across his leaves. On the left, Mother's coat raised into a mass of humming yellow spikes.

I hurried over as they moved close to the weakly stirring numel. "Should I…"

Mother cut me off. "Not unless they make a move," she said, eyes fixed on the herd, which had pulled up short a dozen lengths away. They knew we were dangerous. Or at least my parents were.

I nodded slightly behind her. _Know when to not pick a fight_. We all had that drilled into us. Father sent razor leaves hissing into the grass around us, not hitting anyone. Trying to intimidate them away, without provoking a charge. Mother's fur was crackling. I didn't feel very intimidating standing behind them. The numel herd hesitated. They didn't want to have to fight us, but herds didn't just leave injured members. And there were a _lot_ more of them than there were of us.

Mother and Father shared a look. "Zahna, up here," Mother ordered.

I came, hesitant. "What do I do?"

"Look dangerous."

"I don't know—"

Mother cut me off again. "You have power, Zahna. You don't need to know how to fight with it. Just use it."

I nodded. _I don't know if I'm ready for this,_ I thought for the first time. Life as an eevee had been easier. _Too late to go back now, though._ I swallowed my fear— _Come on, Zahna, you can do this_ —and tried to come up with something. _No moon…Don't know any umbreon powers yet…Maybe some kind of darkness._ Maybe I could use my shadow blast, but just the shadow part. I started, and dark mist streamed from my rings. Instead of concentrating it into an attack, I just focused on making more. I braced myself and glared, trying to look aggressive like my parents.

Mother glanced over. "That's my girl," she said approvingly. I wanted to smile back, but it was taking everything I had to look tough and stand my ground against the herd. If they charged us, we'd be lucky just to get away unhurt. _Arceus, Mother and Father do this **every day**._

Behind us, there was a cut-off grunt. Father had gone back to finish off the numel. He joined us again, taking up a position on my right. "Hold steady. They should leave us alone now." I gritted my teeth and did as he said. After an uncomfortably long minute the herd started to disperse away from us, though they stayed in one mass.

I slumped back, letting the shadow mist puff away. Keeping it coming had drained a lot of energy; I wouldn't have much left if anything else happened. _**If** Mother and Father really needed me_, I thought. All I'd done was follow them and then stand here.

But Mother had complimented me. That didn't happen much anymore, at least not since I'd gotten old enough to want to evolve. Maybe things would change now that I had.

Although I hadn't really done anything to help with hunting.


	2. Chapter 2

_Things change as you grow up. I wasn't a child anymore, but nor was I fully grown. My brothers were one, my parents the other—where did I fit in?_

* * *

It was becoming clear: my parents, both skilled hunters, didn't really need me out there. I'd go with them, but it was them teaching me how to hunt while they did the actual hunting. I'd learned to stalk, but I didn't do anything they couldn't have done without me there. Maybe there were advantages to hunting with three instead of two, but there were only five of us to feed—we didn't need to go after big prey.

I'd come home one day like that. We ate, but the knowledge that I'd been therem, but hadn't done anything to help bring it down ate at me. Finally I raised my head. "Mother?" I sighed. "What am I really doing out there?"

She looked evenly back at me. "You're learning."

I folded back my ears. "I know…but I wanted to be…well, _helpful_ once I evolved."

Mother shook her head a little. "Oh, Zahna. That's not the point." She glanced over at Father, who joined the conversation.

"Our place is to take care of you three. Yours was never supposed to be taking care of us."

I felt confused and hurt. "Then why…"

"You're not learning how to help _us_ ," Mother answered. "You're learning because one day soon it'll be time for you to raise a family of your own."

Arceus.

I hadn't even thought about _that_.

"I…I guess." I looked down again. "I don't know if I'm ready for, well, that."

Mother got my attention again. "Zahna, come with me for a moment." She got up and pushed through the moss curtain that hid our den. I looked at where she'd disappeared for a moment, rings glowing brighter with surprise, then back at Father and my brothers. Father just cocked his head as if to ask "what are you waiting for?" I wiped at my face with a paw, got up, and headed through the moss with ears pricked.

I wasn't sure what was waiting for me. Mother sat a few lengths away, her back to the den and to me. "Is everything all right?" I asked.

She tilted her head, looking out into the stars. "Have I ever told you what happened after I evolved?" When I didn't answer immediately, she looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Come," she said, jerking her head.

"So?" she asked as I hesitantly sat next to her. "Have you heard it?"

I took a deep breath, willing my heart to slow and my anxiety to quiet. "I don't know," I confessed.

Mother gave me a sideways glance. She didn't seem to realize how nervous I felt. I was a little proud that I could hide it so well. She stared back out into the night again and started talking.

"I was a little like you. I'd never been far from our den. Never met any other eons. Hunting wasn't as difficult as it is here. I lived in a forest, you see."

I pricked my ears. _I guess I really_ don't _know much about where my parents came from._

"So there I was, a jolteon. My older sister had already evolved—she's out there somewhere."

I found my voice. "You had a sister?"

"Two. And two brothers."

"Where are they?"

Mother cocked her head at me for a moment. "I'm sorry," I hastily added. "Go on."

She shook her head. "No, it's fine. I was just thinking…Well, I'll get to that. Some of them are still a ways south of here. They never left the forest."

"Why did you leave?"

"Two reasons. The first one you're probably starting to realize yourself. The second was your father. You see, when two eons mate, we find a new place to live, somewhere to raise a new family. Your father was never comfortable with all the trees."

"He's not? But Father's a leafeon."

"I know. Strange, isn't it? But he doesn't like being closed off. In a forest, you can only see so far and there are a lot of places to hide. He always said he felt safer being able to see things coming. So we came out here."

I nodded. "So…I'll have to leave?" Inside, I felt small again. _I'm not ready to be on my own_.

"You've been worried about where you fit, haven't you?"

"Well…yeah. I don't want to be alone either."

Mother shook her head again. "You won't have to be."

"I…" Suddenly it hit me; I couldn't keep the surprise from flaring my rings. "I—a _mate_?" Mother nodded, smiling. "But how—what if—I'm still…I don't know anything about that. I don't even know if I _want_ a mate."

"You'll understand." I caught a glimmer in the moonlight and blinked. Was that a _tear_ in Mother's eye? "I know we tell you that a lot, but believe me…there's no way to explain, with words, what your father and I mean to each other. It's something you have to learn for yourself. It's one of the two greatest things that can ever happen to you."

"…What's the other one?"

Mother dipped her head, nodding to me. "You. You and Roca and Ash."

"So how do I…"

"You go. You find other eons, meet them, and when you find the right one, you decide."

"Will I have to go alone?"

"No. I wouldn't make you do that. I'll come with you down to the forest. It'll be a good place to look."

I looked back at the den. "What about them?"

"Your father and I have talked about it. He can keep things on his own for a few days. Especially since there will be two fewer of us to feed."

I was trying to think about it all. "I just don't know if I can…" If I could do any of this. I didn't _want_ everything to change. I'd always known I'd be leaving home someday, but Arceus…even tonight when we were eating, it had always been "someday." Not…how long did I have left now? Weeks? _Days?_

 _Calm down, Zahna. It was always coming_. I quieted my feelings again, though it was a little harder this time. "So when do we go?" I asked. My voice sounded strange, confident—nothing like how I felt. Mother was right, home wasn't the place for me anymore. I knew that. Just _admitting_ it to myself lifted a burden I hadn't known was there. But still, I was scared.

How could I ever be anything like Mother and Father? How could I have kits of my own? When they looked to _me_ and called _me_ Mother, how on earth was I going to take care of them?

I looked up at Mother and suddenly had to blink away tears. "How will I do it all, Mother? There's just too much…"

Mother turned away from the horizon and pulled me to her. I relaxed into her mane. Mother's a jolteon, she can turn her fur into needles, but when she doesn't…she has the _softest_ fur I've ever felt, like it's made of clouds almost. It's always made me feel better somehow, even when I was a month-old kit, and for a moment I almost felt like I was again. "It's okay, Zahna," she crooned. "Everything will be all right." I nodded into her mane and didn't say anything for a while. Finally I got my paws underneath me and found my voice again.

"How _do_ I do it, though? Just…everything."

"I don't know if I can answer that, Zahna." She smiled. "How do you live a life? One day at a time, I guess. I don't know any other way to do it.

"So tonight, we go to sleep, tomorrow you wake up and keep learning, and when the day comes for me to take you to the forest, that's where we'll go." Her eyes twinkled in the moonlight. "Did I miss anything?"

"When you leave. And getting a mate," I reminded her. It was a bit easier to say now, but it still didn't feel real.

Mother nodded. "You'll be all right. I think when the time comes, you'll be surprised. There are a lot of things you don't know yet, even about yourself."

I nodded slowly. "I guess I have to wait and find out, don't I."

Mother gave me another smile in the moonlight. We sat for a while, and I joined her in looking out to the horizon. I'd never thought about it much before, but now… _I'm going to see what's out there. One day soon_. I still wasn't sure what to think. I knew I wasn't ready. But over there, pokémon slept under the same bright moon.

Somehow, that was comforting.

* * *

It turned out I _did_ learn something new, only a few days later. We were hunting again, but smaller prey this time—nothing like a numel. We'd spread out a little, keeping mostly to earshot with glances now and then. I saw an odd round bird—Father called them natu. He said they were impossible to catch—somehow they always knew you were coming, no matter what you tried. I'd tried catching one once. As soon as I got ready to pounce, it had fluttered off.

As I moved through some brush, I saw one pecking at the ground. It paused, though I was sure it hadn't seen me yet. _It knows it's being watched. Maybe it can tell when something's stalking it too?_ Suddenly an idea crossed my mind. _Can I fool it?_ Even Mother didn't know I was upset the other night, not until I let it out. I breathed out softly, stilling my emotions. Not stalking. Not excited. Not hungry. Just coming closer, closer, no interest in the natu…

I calmly leaped out of the brush. The natu blinked and spread its wings, but before it could flap I was on top of it, biting down. A distressed chirp, claws scrabbling in the dirt—and just like that, it was over.

I proudly trotted back to where my parents were with my catch. Father's eyes widened. "How did you get that?"

I couldn't help enjoying the moment. Finally I set the natu down. "Well…I can trick them." There was no reply, so I went on. "They sense enemies, right? Not by sight or smell. But I can, um, change my emotions. I got rid of all the ones that might warn it, and it didn't even move until I pounced."

Father nodded slowly. Mother looked seriously at me. "You change your emotions?"

I thought for a moment. "…Not exactly. More like I can stop feeling them if I need to." I hadn't tried making them stronger; I wasn't sure my powers would work that way. "I can slow down my heart and my breathing—it helps me be quieter."

Mother kept looking at me, as if trying to figure something out. Suddenly I got it. _She's wondering if I've been doing it at home._ I had. A little. "I've used it in the den a few times, to keep from getting into arguments." I offered Mother a small smile. "I was never any good at that before." That more than anything had made me feel older. There was another time, when I'd concealed my fear and worry a few nights ago, but I wasn't sure I wanted to bring that up. _Arceus, when did I start trying to not worry Mother?_ That was something parents did for kits when there were loud noises outside.

Maybe it wasn't just about her worrying, too. It wasn't that I felt _guilty_ about it. But maybe, just a little.

Mother seemed to accept what I'd said, and I put it out of my mind. "I didn't think it would ever help me catch anything, apart from being a little quieter though."

"Well, I'm impressed," Father said. "It's good to know you'll be able to take care of yourself."

"I hope so. I still haven't figured out anything else I can do now." I glanced up. "Except, you know, the moon stuff."

"It will come," Mother assured me. To my relief, she gave me a smile. "But right now, we need to get something else to bring back to the den."


	3. Chapter 3

I wasn't ready. I'd been preparing for this moment for more or less my whole life. Learning to fight, to hunt, to take care of myself. Our den felt crowded. Three eons and two eevee took up all the space, and Roca was almost ready to evolve himself. There was no way we'd all fit then, not without piling on top of each other.

A small part of me couldn't wait to go out on my own. The rest of me thought that part was insane. I felt like I was still waiting for…I don't know. That _moment_. The one where I'd stop being a child and start being an adult, where I knew what to do about things and how to look out for myself without help. I used to think that would happen when I evolved, but it didn't. I thought maybe when I learned to hunt, but I was pretty good at that now too and it hadn't made me feel any more comfortable with the idea of being on my own. Maybe it would come when—if—I found a mate. Maybe not.

 _Maybe it's when I'm_ _ **comfortable**_ _with the idea of a mate_. I wasn't sure if that would _ever_ happen.

I sat by the curtain of moss that concealed our den. Roca and Ash had been playing, dashing around in the space—it was bigger for them—and tumbling over each other until they'd gotten tired. Now they were watching me. Mother and Father were out hunting. I hadn't been invited along this time; Mother wanted me to save my strength for the trip. There was nothing for me to do but wait and keep my emotions in check. I felt like if I didn't I'd end up in a panic.

It wasn't too complicated. Mother said the forest was less than a week away. We just had to travel during the day and hunt where we could. Most pokémon that could threaten us would still think twice before attacking a pair of eons together.

Humans would be a different story, but Mother said they weren't particularly stealthy—they walked tall on two legs and didn't try too hard to be quiet. I was privately a little worried; Father and Mother were both a lot quicker than I was, and I didn't know if I'd be able to outrun humans and their pokémon if it came to that. Hopefully we'd be able to avoid them altogether. I'd only seen a few in my life, and only one while hunting, from a distance. They lived somewhere far away and didn't come to our area much.

After what felt like forever, I heard sounds outside. A minute or two later Father pushed through the moss with a spearow in his mouth. Mother followed with her own catch, and we ate. It was a quiet meal.

Then it was over.

I'd put off saying my goodbyes until now, but I wasn't sure I could get the words out. I'd had some friction with everyone, but this could very well be the last time I saw home, or Father, Ash, and Roca. I'd always thought I'd get to see them evolve while I was still at home. Maybe going off to evolve on my own had been a bad idea. I wanted to say something mature and wise, maybe about how my whole life with them had led up to this and how much they meant to me, but I just didn't have the words. I didn't know what to say. I buried my head between Roca and Ash, feeling their soft eevee manes as they both hugged me. "I'll miss you two."

"We'll miss you too, Zahna." That was Ash. Roca just nodded into my neck.

Again, I wasn't sure what to say. "I'm sorry I wasn't always the best sister." I tried to think of something else. "I'll remember you."

"We will too."

I nodded and waited another moment before stepping back and taking a deep breath. That left Father. "Um…thanks for everything." I managed to look him in the eyes. I wasn't just a child anymore. I had to grow up.

He nodded. "Of course. Stay safe out there." The leafeon turned away for a moment, and I had the impulse to embrace him. It surprised me; Father was a little more distant, and I wasn't much better. For once, I let myself act on it. I stepped closer and rested my neck across his shoulder. Father stiffened ever so slightly, then let his breath out and wrapped his tail around me. "I'll miss you…Zahna." He looked over my shoulder at Mother. "Take care of her."

In that moment I felt like I was a little eevee again. At the same time…"I'm supposed to be able to take care of myself," I murmured. I shouldn't have felt so resentful. I know Father was just worried. This was as new for him as it was for me, and the next time something happened he wouldn't be able to do anything about it. He wouldn't even know.

But it was too late. The silence stretched on for a few moments, then Father murmured an apology and withdrew. _I ruined it, didn't I?_ I thought to myself. This wasn't how I'd wanted to leave. At the same time, I couldn't bring myself to apologize. I needed to believe I would be all right on my own. I needed Mother and Father to believe I would. As much as I wanted to believe it for myself, I wasn't like my parents. Not yet. That's why it hurt to hear Father say those words.

I pushed those feelings away, wanting to at least say a proper goodbye. I forced myself to look him in the eye. "I'll miss you too." I glanced around to my brothers, feeling awkward. "Goodbye."

 _Is this what growing up feels like?_

They replied and I finally left our den. Mother stayed behind for a moment, speaking to Father. I sat outside, feeling impatient. Not because I wanted to get away from my family, but…I needed to clear my head, to be _doing_ something. Going away didn't worry me like I thought it would, though. It felt right, like I'd finally find somewhere that was _my_ home. At least I hoped so.

Mother pushed through the moss curtain. "Are you ready to go?"

I didn't hesitate. "I am." I waved my tail, looking for the right words. "It's not that…I don't know. I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for this, now it's time to actually do it."

Mother held my gaze for several seconds and I was sure she could see past my words. Part of me _did_ feel that way, it really did. The other part wanted everything to stay the same forever. Finally she broke eye contact, dipping her head in a little nod and bringing it back up again to look off into the distance. "…All right, time to go then." Mother's voice was odd. Were those _tears?_

"Mother?" I asked hesitantly. "Is something wrong?"

"You know, you're not the only one who's been waiting her whole life for this." Mother shook her head and smiled. "Don't mind me. Let's go."

Something changed in that moment. I couldn't put my paw on it at the time, but it was the first time Mother spoke to me as an equal, like she would have with Father. Mother and I rose to our paws and put our den behind us.

For a while we just walked, me a half-step behind Mother as we left the only home I'd ever known behind.

* * *

 _I have to apologize for taking this long to update, and for the chapter being so short here. I've been trying to extend it into the trip like I'd wanted for over a week now, but it's not working out...this feels like a proper chapter break here. Zahna will be back soon. ~Polaris  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing out here was familiar to me, but I noticed one thing as we headed for the distant forest. We were headed slightly downhill. I mentioned this to Mother, and she said I was right. We didn't live on a mountain, but we had been close enough to some that we were higher up. She thought that might be why more plants and trees grew down there.

Mother said that in some places enough berries grew that most pokémon didn't have to hunt _at all_. That was hard to imagine. "Why wouldn't we all live there?" I asked.

"That's where the humans are." Mother glanced over at me. "They sometimes call them Catchers—we don't see much of it up here because we're away from where they live. Humans don't come out to this area without plenty of pokémon already." She looked up for a moment, in thought. "And I suppose if we all went there they wouldn't have enough food anymore, would they?"

"Well, no." _But why couldn't **we** go there?_ I wondered. Mother had said Father hated living in a forest, but to me it sounded perfect. "Do you ever wish you'd stayed?"

She thought for a moment. "I don't regret my life out here. I've never regretted being with your father. But sometimes it would have been nice to be somewhere where we didn't have to worry about all the other pokémon around." Mother smiled. "So no, I think I'm all right where I am, but I'm glad you get to see the forest for yourself now."

I smiled back. "Me too." Mother seemed more open, more willing to talk out here. Maybe because it was just us.

In the afternoon, we brought down a spearow without much difficulty. Mother stunned it midair with a shock, and I was there waiting for it to hit the ground. Mother said we should leave what we didn't eat. Carrying it would make our trip harder and would mostly serve to draw unwelcome attention. We'd seen a few larger pokémon since setting out, but we gave them space and none of them had bothered us, though a nidorino had looked like it wanted to.

That night, we slept hidden in some grass and brush—it was impossible for me to stay unseen in the open with my glowing rings. Mother told me to sleep first, and I managed to get to sleep before the moon rose. When she woke me in the early morning, I had no trouble staying awake until dawn, though I did start to feel a little more tired when the sun rose. It wasn't something I'd noticed before, since I hadn't woken before sunrise since my evolution, but it wasn't too bad. I'd come to accept it as how I normally felt, but nighttime was something else.

We continued for the next few days with no more danger than a few pokémon who tried to intimidate us out of a catch. We talked a lot more than I could remember doing with either of my parents, and I started to feel like I understood Mother better, and why she'd never felt the need to go back to a safer forest to live. She liked to hunt, and she liked the freedom of covering a wide, open territory.

On the fourth night, something that had been bothering me about my powers fell into place in my mind, but with Mother asleep I had to wait to ask her. The next morning I got my chance. "Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Why do I have glowing rings? It doesn't make any sense. They just make me easier to see in the dark— _I_ don't need the light to see by. I thought, well, being an umbreon would make me a better night hunter."

Mother didn't answer immediately. "I've seen an umbreon darken his," she finally said. "I think you can do it."

"That doesn't answer my other question. Why do I have them in the first place?"

"Isn't that a little like asking 'Why am I me?'" Mother asked. "Maybe they're meant for something other than hunting. You might as well ask why I have a white mane."

"I think it looks nice," I admitted.

Mother smiled. "So do I, but it does something else. Have you ever noticed it's where I use electricity the most?" I shook my head. "It's easier to control in my mane than anywhere else. I don't know why, but it is." She stopped and took a breath. "My point is, most things are the way they are for a reason if you look hard enough. Your rings are part of you, and they're _not_ worthless."

"I didn't say they were." I let my breath out. "I just want to actually _know_ what they're good for."

Mother looked at me. "I don't know the answer to that. I think you'll find out in time. Don't look at me like that," she added, "I'm not supposed to know everything. You need to be patient with yourself."

That didn't help, but I realized Mother really didn't know what to tell me, as much as I wanted answers. I looked at her for a long moment, then swallowed my response. She waited, but when it was clear I wasn't going to say anything else, she nodded in the direction of the forest. "Let's go."

We didn't need to hunt that day; each day's journey toward the forest brought more and more green into the world, and we found a few berry bushes that clearly had enough to spare. By the end of the day, I saw trees.

They were nothing like I'd imagined. We had trees here and there out where I'd grown up, but they grew in thick clumps of tangled branches, almost like they were trying to hide—like us, like a lot of things out there.

These trees didn't try to hide. They grew thick and straight, with space between the roots on the ground and the branches in the air. The ground was filled in with bushes and other leafy plants, but the trees kept going, up and up, making a layer that crowded out the sky so I could only see it in bits and pieces. "I can see why Father didn't like it here," I commented. "It's all so closed in."

"Hmm," Mother said. "That can be true in some places, but I don't feel closed off. You just need your nose and ears as much as your eyes out here. Don't assume that the way is blocked just because you can't see through it, forests are full of trails and clearings."

"That's another thing, the trails. Who makes them all?"

"Different pokémon. I told you, life is different here. There are too many pokémon to try to hold a large territory like we do on the steppes. Don't bother them, and most of them won't bother you either."

"What about hunting?" I asked, suddenly confused.

"Only when you need to." I noticed Mother said _you_ and not _we_. "And be careful what you hunt, it's a good way to make enemies if you're not careful."

"How am I supposed to know what to do?"

"It'll be all right. We have family here."

It was getting late, but we still hadn't gone far into the forest. "Can we…maybe go back out?" I asked. "I don't know if I'm ready to sleep in a forest." The idea of being surrounded by so many pokémon—I could already hear some of them starting to make noises as the sun went down—was starting to unnerve me. Mother looked around for a moment, head tilted and ears pricked, listening to something beyond me, and didn't answer. "Please?" I added.

Mother kept staring out into the dimming trees for another long moment, then she sighed. "For tonight, yes." She didn't go on, but I knew why tonight. We'd be deep in the trees when the sun set tomorrow.

I nodded, knowing that was all I could ask for. "Thanks."

We left the treeline behind again and found some grass to bed down in. It still didn't feel like home, but I felt safer out here, watching spearow and pidgey flutter back to their nests. As stars appeared in the sky, I saw a noctowl take to the air. They didn't frequent the area I'd grown up in, but I knew they were efficient hunters.

As an eevee, I would have been terrified. Now, though, my night vision was as good as any pokémon around. I could take care of myself. And…Mother was here.

I woke her when I started to get sleepy, with the moon high in the sky, and she kept watch until morning. After that, it was time to finally enter the forest proper.

We quickly left the edges behind, and started traveling the paths treaded through the undergrowth. It didn't feel that different from what I was used to in some places, but many of them were more tunnel than path, and I couldn't help feeling closed in. I heard rustles to the sides and sometimes noticed flashes of movement, but no pokémon actually confronted us.

As we moved further into the forest, I started to realize that not everywhere was like that. Some parts had clear areas around the trees with smaller plants. One or two of these bore charred smells; Mother said that certain pokémon liked to clear out the underbrush around them. So there were fire-breathers around here.

We also came across some natural clearings, where grass replaced the trees and the undergrowth and circles of sky were visible. Oddly, the pokémon seemed less inclined to hide here. I saw pidgey and sentret, and even some quieter species like a slowly wandering shuckle. Mother nodded back and returned greetings when they took notice of us. The tense hunter side of her seemed to be slowly falling away. She didn't relax, exactly, but she didn't pause at corners or movements. I still hadn't relaxed, trying to listen to everything at once as we trotted through the trees.

Of course, I couldn't flare electricity through my body if something decided to pounce. I tried to tell myself that was why she seemed less concerned, but I didn't believe it. We were in a different world now, and it was her world. Not mine. I'd known the forest would be different—I'd even wanted to come here, wondered why Father would have ever left, but now that we were here, all the instincts that had kept me alive on the steppes wouldn't let me relax here.

I mentioned this to her when we stopped to eat—at another bush. "You seem different," I finally said after wondering how to put it for a while.

"I'd forgotten how nice it was out here," Mother replied.

I flicked an ear. "It's _strange_."

She gave me a sideways look. "What, because we're not hunting?"

"Well, that. But you don't seem concerned about anything else hunting either."

"It doesn't happen much, not to eons. Anything we need to worry about will make enough noise to hear."

"Like?" This was the first time Mother had really talked about what life was normally like in the forest. I'd heard about her family and den.

"Either large pokémon, like ursaring or nidoking, or else Catchers. But none of those are much good at keeping hidden, and we'd have heard if there were any in the area."

"What, the pokémon we met would just tell us?"

Mother's eyes sparkled. "It's a lot more social around here. Fewer predators, so they find it a lot easier to live together. It's easier to find out what's going on, news gets around fast."

"Is there any hunting at all?" I was still trying to get my mind around that.

"A bit. Mostly the birds hunting the bugs. Usually we don't need to; you've seen there's plenty of food around."

"What if there's not?"

"Well, you do what you have to. But we try to avoid the ones that can think."

I nodded. I'd always felt a little odd about that. "I guess that makes sense." _I have a lot to get used to, don't I?_ The answer to that would turn out to be 'more than I knew,' but I was young and still hadn't grasped what lay at the end of our journey. For the moment, it was all I could do to just try to make peace with a life that wasn't ready to pounce the moment I let down my guard. I wanted to be like Mother and enjoy the day, but it was too new, too much.

"You just need time," Mother told me. "Don't try to make everything fit now. You're young and you have time to get used to it all. Just take things one day at a time. We're nearly there."

It took me a moment to understand, but when I did my rings flared. With everything that I'd seen, I'd forgotten we were headed to find more of our kind, and I still wasn't sure what that would be like.


End file.
